shotgun party for one

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 17:27:21 GMT

bye livejournal.

i leave today.
take care.

when forever comes crashing.

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 23:24:06 GMT

These moments can't avoid you.
Tonight the lonesome sky opens wide.
Forgive me 2 a.m. my city lights burn bright as day.
Catching the flattering silhouettes of the thirsted and the damned.
I am tapped clean out of respect and I'm walking waist deep in ruin.
If this is need then I never waited you. Your love is paralyzing.
This is a monument to our everything before our forever comes crashing.

don't let this come crashing.

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 08:09:14 GMT

I've got a hunger,twisting my stomach into knots.
That my tongue was tied off.
My brain's repeating,"if you've got an impulse let it out."
But they never make it past my mouth.

This is the sound of settling.

Our youth is fleeting,old age is just around the bend.
And I can't wait to go gray.
And I'll sit and wonder of every love that could've been.
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.

7 days left.
fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck...its creeping.

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 06:31:17 GMT

14 days left.
fuck my life.

this is it.
it will be here quicker then i know it.
and i'm still leaving everyone behind to fend for themselves.
god,i hope i get out of this alive.

on the brightside i saw across the universe tonight,and it was fucking incredible.

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 06:21:37 GMT

i want to call it off.
i don't want to leave.
i don't want this anymore.

i don't care if my parents disown me over this.
i don't want this anymore.
this isn't the way my life was set to unfold.

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 04:22:18 GMT

i'm counting down the days.
they seem to go by so fast or so slow.

only 27 more days until i leave.

fight song.

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 05:09:00 GMT

there on the stairs
standing there
arm outstretched
point and glare
watching the love
fall to our feet
into the floor,and disappear.
we're finding falt,well you kissed him,you slept with her,or you didn't care.
it all breaks,disinigrates,well this is the last thing i'll take,because i can't face you now.
this is the end,there's nothing to keep.
this is the end of you and me,as the ice comes down it's the end,as the lies come out it's the end,as the tear flow out it's the end,the end of you and me.
and so we look out on the lake,and we see the white light,i said it was gold.
it should have been gold,then maybe all the crazy things you said would have some meaning.
but this thing we have made,it can't stop,it won't stop,because i can't face you now...take your troubles solo.

fuck you,i'm done.

i'm in love by charles bukowski.

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 03:36:28 GMT

"She's young",she said,"But look at me,I have pretty ankles,and look at my wrists,I have pretty wrists."
o my god,I thought it was all working,
and now it's her again,
every time she phones you go crazy,
you told me it was over
you told me it was finished,
listen, I've lived long enough to become a
good woman,
why do you need a bad woman?
you need to be tortured, don't you?
you think life is rotten if somebody treats you
rotten it all fits,
doesn't it?
tell me, is that it? do you want to be treated like a
piece of shit?
and my son, my son was going to meet you.
I told my son and I dropped all my lovers.
I stood up in a cafe and screamed,"I'M IN LOVE"and now you've made a fool of me...
"I'm sorry",I said,"I'm really sorry".
"Hold me",she said,"Will you please hold me?"
I've never been in one of these things before,I said,these triangles...
she got up and lit a cigarette,she was trembling all over.
she paced up and down,wild and crazy.
she had a small body.
her arms were thin,very thin and when she screamed and started beating me I held her
wrists and then I got it through the eyes:hatred,centuries deep and true.
I was wrong and graceless and sick.
all the things I had learned had been wasted.
there was no creature living as foul as I and all my poems were false.

true love will find you in the end.

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 14:24:43 GMT

True love will find you in the end.
You'll find out just who was your friend.
Don't be sad,I know you will,but dont give up until true love will find you in the end.
This is a promise with a catch.
Only if you're looking can it find you.
‘Cause true love is searching too.
But how can it recognize you,unless you step out into the light?
Don't be sad I know you will.
But don’t give up until true love finds you in the end.

this is for you,i'm sorry.

first day of my life.

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 07:01:35 GMT

Besides,maybe this time is different.
I mean,I really think you like me.

Your prettiness is seeping through,out from the dress I took from you...

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 18:16:56 GMT

everything is a blur lately.
everything is setting in.

there is one thing though that i do know that's not a blur.
she knows who she is.

mercury rising.

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 21:49:10 GMT

Every breath that I exhale is a sigh.
Every breath that I exhale is a sigh of exhaustion.

How sad and this is what your life has been reduced to a single room apartment containing no more than a mattress.
How sad when the strings have been removed from the blinds and all the outlets have been painted over.
And the television screen is streaked with blood and smeared from your knuckles,as if you were trying to punch it out but you underestimated the strength.
Or maybe you just weren't trying hard enough.
Startled by a knock at the door,you'll rise for the first time in two days to answer.
But you can only greet the visitor with one short statement.
"Hello my first name is Distance and I really don't care if I never wake up again."

i miss you.

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 08:51:08 GMT

Hello there,the angel from my nightmare.
The shadow in the background of the morgue.
the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley.
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want,where you can always find me.
We'll have Halloween on Christmas and in the night we'll wish this never ends.
We'll wish this never ends.

(I miss you,I miss you)
(I miss you,I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry.
I cannot sleep,I cannot dream tonight.
I need somebody and always.
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time.
And as I stared I counted webs from all the spiders.
Catching things and eating their insides,like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason.
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight.
Stop this pain tonight.

Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
(I miss you,I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
(I miss you,I miss you)

oh god,you've haunted me.
and i really miss you..even if its been over.

night clubbin',we're night clubbin'..

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 18:37:44 GMT

fuck now i'm not even going to see circle takes the square tonight.
can life get anymore disappointing?

fuck my life.

i'll stop stabbing when you stop screaming.

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 23:20:29 GMT

i want to end this life the way elliott smith did.
with a knife and 2 jabs to the chest.

the last week or so.

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 19:41:45 GMT

let's see.

july 27th to august 7th all over jersey/nyc.

july 28th - new york city date with naomi.
august 2nd - amazing,amazing day in red bank with sara.
august 5th - warped tour in old bridge with naomi,steph,and river.
august 6th - the minor times/the network in montclair.

that sums it up in a short neat few sentences

.....i need to get out of here and scream,i can't take it much more.

sorry your not a winner...

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 07:34:05 GMT

yeah.
last time ever drinking for a long ass time.

...for real.
i ain't even playin' this time.

...especially because of you,you headgame playing bitch.

may i have this dance?

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 19:18:53 GMT

I remember it was cold outside,staring off into space,hoping to see you there.
If I close my eyes I can feel you breathe,and I remember it was cold outside.
Streaked faces waiting for spring,it's not much longer now for two hearts filled with hope.
May I have this dance?
I hope it could last the rest of my life.
Are you still afraid?
The promises I made,inside these hands,will never be broken.
For you these words aren't enough,there should be more,but they're everything I am,they're everything I feel.
If I could have this dance,I'd pull you closer,you'd feel me tremble,but I could show you the world.
Just take my hand,and this time I wont ever let go.

hearts.

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 23:36:39 GMT

Dear Eastern Prom,I know its wrong...But its suicide eyes that wrote this song.
For all I'm worth,writer's block is a bitch.
Words falling like bricks for a New England wish.
I was an easy male fuck in the town of "Naive-ity."
All I wanted was a shot in the dark,but like a knife through the heart.
I choke on spit covered words..Oh my god,its happened again.
Screaming gets you nothing.
One more night in this town and I swear that I'm dead.
I drew a heart around the name of your city.

..i miss you,alot.

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 22:29:51 GMT

Used to be the one of the rotten ones
And I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone,got your make-up on
And you're not coming back.

Bleachin' your teeth,smiling flash.
Talking trash,under my window.

Park that car.
Drop that phone.
Sleep on the floor.
Dream about me.

Used to be the one of the rotten ones
And I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone,got your make-up on
And you're not coming back.

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 00:57:26 GMT

Forget I even called.
Why even try to end things on a good note?
I should've left with no reply.
These next few days you're only a stranger.
Our demise awoke the same time that I did.

Pull the hair from my scalp.
Peek through bloody holes.
Witness thoughts I can't describe.

From behind,whisper in your ear,'stop screaming'.
Taste my knife.
Tears scatter red,you're still bleeding.
Tend to me tonight..
May it be the last of our alliance.

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 09:00:25 GMT

wait:

erase the quote earlier,but leave the feelings.
replace it with this quote:

"The first time I saw you I knew it would never last.
I'm not half what I wish I was.
I'm so angry,I don't think it'll ever pass.
And I was bad news for you,just because I never meant to hurt you."
-elliott smith.

...i'm sorry,i wasn't right for you,apparently we both thought right.

seventy times seven.

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 03:52:33 GMT

So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with 'cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield.

:]
just a thought.
this one's for you.
ps.it worked out just fine for me too ironically.
i know what your trying to do.
you think i'm fucking stupid,guess again.
thank you.

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 19:57:28 GMT

fuck you summer school.
i'm done.

i hope i passed.

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 06:00:03 GMT

fantasy vs reality part II.